Wow - der letzte Bericht ist nun fast genau 2 Jahre her. Da ich nicht erwartet habe, dass bis heute immer noch Interesse an meinem blog besteht (mittlerweile waren über 600 Besucher da) habe ich mich zunächst dazu entschlossen, keinen weiteren Eintrag zu machen. Da aber auch einige Leser dabei sein werden, die nicht aus meinem engeren Kreis kommen, wollte ich diesen post nutzen, um ein kleines Lebenszeichen von mir zu geben.
Seid meiner letzten Therapiesitzung hat sich natürlich einiges getan. Ich bin nämlich wieder zu 100 % gesund und habe mittlerweile mein Studium an der PH Weingarten beendet. Seid Februar 2011 habe ich nun mein Referendariat an einer Grund-, Haupt-und Werkrealschule in Baden-Württemberg begonnen und bin damit sehr glücklich.
Die erste Zeit nach meiner Therapie war natürlich sehr anstrengend. Mitte April 2009 habe ich mich wieder ins Studium gestürzt und habe versucht mich dadurch von meiner Krankheit abzulenken. Es standen noch einige Scheine aus, die ich nachzuholen hatte , v.a. im Sport praktischen Bereich und ich muss sagen, ich hatte die Auswirkungen der Therapie unterschätzt. Gerade im konditionellen Bereich hatte ich sehr abgebaut und habe sozusagen wieder bei 0 anfangen müssen. Da alle anderen Sportstudenten natürlich fit waren, fiel es mir anfangs schwer dies zu akzeptieren. Es gab viele Momente, in denen ich merkte, wie geschwächt mein Körper eigentlich noch war. Es gab auch einige Momente in denen ich glaubte ich packe das alles nicht. Der Kampf mit dem inneren Schweinehund, Frust und Selbstzweifel spielten damals eine große Rolle. Trotzdem habe ich diese Herausforderung angenommen und mich Schritt für Schritt wieder nach oben gekämpft. Mit Erfolg. Ich habe alle meine Prüfungen bestanden und mein erstes Staatsexamen erfolgreich abgelegt. V.a. die Zeit des Lernens Ende 2010 war dabei nochmals eine gesonderte Herausforderung. Während dieser extremen Zeit war ich auch gesundheitlich sehr anfällig. Aufgrund des hohen psychischen Stresses kam ich dabei an meine Grenzen der Belastbarkeit und musste erst lernen auch damit fertig zu werden. Die Zeit der Therapie und meiner Krankheit haben mir aber sicherlich dabei geholfen. Der Gedanke mit einer schwer heilbaren Krankheit fertig geworden zu sein machte mir Mut auch mit den alltäglichen Problemen und Herausforderungen des Lebens klar zu kommen. Es motiviert unheimlich die Dinge in bestimmten Situationen einfach aus einer anderen Perspektive zu betrachten. Man nimmt ihnen dadurch ein Stück weit die Intensität und Strenge. Trotzdem muss ich sagen, dass ich ohne meine Freunde, Freundin und Familie diese Zeit nur schwer durchgestanden hätte. Das Ganze ging schon an die Substanz. Dennoch sollte man nie vergessen, dass man mit dem nötigen Ehrgeiz und Willen viele Dinge für sich entscheiden kann und ein Stück weit für seinen Erfolg selbst verantwortlich ist.
Seid meiner letzten Therapiesitzung bin ich ja nun offiziell in Nachsorge. In meinem Fall fand die erste Nachkontrolle nach 6 Wochen bei meinem Onkologen statt. Im Prinzip läuft das immer nach dem gleichen Schema ab: Zunächst wird einem Blut abgenommen und hinterher ein Ganzkörper-Ultraschall gemacht. Aufgrund des großen Blutbilds ist dabei schon sehr viel ersichtlich, was in meinem Körper vor sich geht. Der Ultraschall, bei dem u.a. alle lebenswichtigen Organe untersucht und vermessen werden lässt dabei das Bild in welchem Zustand sich mein Körper gerade befindet vollends entstehen. Natürlich nimmt dabei die Region in der ich behandelt worden bin eine gesonderte Rolle ein. Die Qintessenz meiner ersten Untersuchung war, dass die Therapie bei mir sehr gut angeschlagen hat und die befallenen Lymphknoten bin auf einige vernarbte Exemplare vollends abgeschwollen sind. Auch das Blutbild sah sehr gut aus und so schickte man mich mit einem positiven Ergebnis in meinen Alltag zurück. Dieses Bild hat sich bis heute nicht verändert. Im ersten Jahr fanden 3 weitere Nachsorgeuntersuchungen statt, alle viertel Jahr neim Onkologen, alle halbe Jahr in der Klinik, in der ich meine Strahlentherapie bekommen habe. Dort findet nur ein Gespräch mit dem Oberarzt statt, der sich nach Nachwirkungen speziell der Strahlentherapie erkundigt hat. Diese Untersuchung war aber in der Regel nach wenigen Minuten beendet.
Zum heutigen Zeitpunkt muss ich nur noch alle Jahr zu meinem Onkologen und meine Prognose zukünftig nicht mehr an einem Rezidiv zu erkranken gilt als "exzellent".
Trotzdem hat diese Krankheit auch einige unschöne Folgen für mich gehabt: Als angehender Lehrer wird man nach einem erfolgreichen Abschluss im Referendariat in BaWü in der Regel nach 1,5 bis 2 Jahren auf Probezeit verbeamtet. Meine Probezeit verlängert sich automatisch aufgrund meiner Erkrankung um weitere 3 Jahre. Des weiteren musste ich mich für das Ref. weiterhin freiwillig gesetzlich versichern, da ich von mehreren privaten Versicherungen abgelehnt worden bin. In dieser Zeit fühlte ich mich wirklich minder wert, da es keiner Versicherung darum ging, unter welcher Art von Krebs ich gelitten habe, in welchem Stadium sich dieser Krebs befand und in welchem körperlichen Zustand ich mich momentan befinde. Man wird schlichtweg abgestempelt und so gesehen ein weiteres Mal bestraft. Summa summarum macht dies einen 3 fachen Betrag für meine Kranken- und Pflegeversicherung aus, was andere Referendare bezahlen, die sich privat versichern konnten. Bei einem Monatsgehalt von 1100€ von dem die Versicherung, Miete, Essen, usw. noch bezahlt werden müssen, ist dies eine ganz schön ordentliche Summe. Aber das ist nörgeln auf hohem Niveau. Dennoch würde ich mir wünschen, dass man in solchen Fällen auch einmal genauer hinsieht und vielleicht einmal flexibler in solchen Entscheidungen handelt.
Ja, so steht es also momentan um mich. Ihr seht es hat sich einiges zum positiven entwickelt und ich denke das hat viel damit zu tun, wie man in solchen Situationen, die einschneidende Folgen für das eigene Leben haben, reagiert. Ein positiver Sinn, ein humorvoller Umgang mit den Herausforderungen die kommen und schlichtweg eine Distanz zur Wichtigkeit die diese Dinge von einem fordern sind enorm wichtig für einen guten Ausgang. Im Nachhinein kann man sogar sagen, dass eine solche Krankheit wirklich auch etwas positives haben kann: nämlich, dass man lernt wieder bewusst zu leben, das Leben jeden Tag zu geniessen und lernt wieder dankbar für dieses Geschenk zu sein. Und dass man das Leben nicht immer ernst nimmt, sondern auch in schwierigen Situationen mal mit einem Lächeln auf den Lippen. Dies möchte ich nun auch versuchen an meine Kinder und Jugendliche die ich zukünftig unterrichten werde weiter zu geben.
Falls Ihr weiterhin Fragen oder Anregungen an mich habt, scheut Euch nicht mich anzuschreiben. Ich werde gerne versuchen Euch mit Rat und Tat zur Seite zu stehen.
Alles Liebe und auf bald... ;-)
Felix
PS: Ein großen Dank auch nochmal an alle die mich in meiner schwierigen Zeit unterstützt haben! Ich liebe Euch und werde Euch das niemals vergessen! HUG YA!!
Abonnieren
Kommentare zum Post (Atom)
62 Kommentare:
Hallo Felix,
ich finde es wunderbar, dass Du nun auch den aktuellen Stand dazu gefügt hast, und so offen über diese Zeit geschrieben hast. Es soll allen MUT machen, die auch so eine Diagnose bekommen - und Ihnen helfen diese schwierige Zeit zu überstehen. Es fordert alle in einer Familie und allen näheren Bekannten. Ganz besonders möchte ich auch Chrisse danken, dass Sie Dich in dieser schweren Zeit so begleitet hat - mit allen " Auf`s und Ab`s !
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